


Life on the Grid

by L_Orange21



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, Flashbacks, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 9,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Orange21/pseuds/L_Orange21
Summary: "What are you smiling at?""Nothing," Charles replied cheekily, a smile finding its way onto his face.Max suddenly edged his way closer to him, catching Charles off guard. Closer. To the point where Charles could feel Max's breath hitting his face. Both their hearts jumping at the question that followed."Can I?" Max asked.Alternatively, Charles and max slowly end up getting back together after new elements of their past get revealed and face the consequences of doing so(This Fic is for now discontinued)
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen
Comments: 38
Kudos: 113





	1. What used to be

**Author's Note:**

> (See the last chapter for more details, and you can decide whether it's worth reading)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Charles starts to remember what used to be.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new merged chapter 1 and 2
> 
>   
> Edit: This chapter is iffy and i was on the verge of deleting; however, I will keep it up for my own future reference and just put up this note saying:
> 
> Go straight to chapter 2 cause this chapter needs to be rewritten.

Regular streams became quite the staple over the months of quarantine; in fact, it seemed f1 drivers were more focused on streaming than they were on their day time jobs at the moment. However, Austria was quickly approaching, and Lando wanted to go out with a bang for the last stream, at least until after Hungary.

  
"Charles, how many times do I need to buy a respawn before you stop going down in the open?" Lando asked, somehow finding amusement in the situation.

  
"Mate, It's not my fault - I die immediately!" Charles responded, even getting annoyed with himself at this point. "You know I don't play this type of game often,"

  
"I know, I'm only jokin' - Just hope Max is better - I can't carry both of you,"

A short while later, a familiar ping cut through the sound of Lando trying to explain the basic principles of warzone to Charles.

  
"Heeyy, how are we doing tonight Lando - and Charles?" Max said, in his typical joyful manner, interrupting the last of Lando's explanation.

  
"Get me up - fuck sake," Max said, already accepting his defeat.

  
"I'm trying... I tried," Charles responded.

  
*You placed 25th*

  
"You weren't kidding about Charles, were you?" Max said more as a statement than a question.

  
"I've never played before," The Monegasque quickly said, defending himself.

  
"To be fair Max, I've seen worse - I remember when you first played," Lando said, trying to stop any kind of argument in its tracks.

"OH SHITTTT!!!" Lando shouted, as he ran out the room. "Has he burnt his food again? I keep telling him he needs to get a timer,"

  
"Did I miss anything?" Lando asked as he got back with the remains of his lunch. "Chat, the remains of my lunch," Lando said as he held up 2 of the most burnt pieces of meat you've ever seen.

  
"Lando... Max, you're gonna need to get that or he's gonna burn his house down," Charles said.

  
"I know, I wasn't joking, this is maybe the 4th time that he's done it when I've been here,"

  
"Alright chat, I've saved it - I'm the best cook," Lando said using ham instead of chicken.

  
"Yeah... I don't think so Lando," Max stated.

  
"I agree with Max," Charles agreed.

  
"When me and Charles are in agreement, that's when you know you're really wrong," Max continued.

  
"Wh- If it wasn't for you two I wouldn't have got distracted in the first place,"

Most streams went like that, some kind of argument starts between Max and Charles; Lando is always left trying to calm them both down either purposfully or accidentally.

  
"Chat, thanks for watching Charles embarrass himself for 4 hours, hopefully, we can do a packup stream or something, see ya chat,"  
With that the final stream for a month or so w-  
"How many times do I need to stop you two from arguing?" Lando asked.  
"For as long as Max keeps being an asshole," Charles was quick to say.  
"Here we go, you can't have a discussion without taking the piss out of each over," Lando said, wanting to get to the core of their conflict. "Me, George and Alex have been racing against each over for ages; that was never enough to stop us being friends - if anything it got us together more,"

  
"Lando got to go, but- but you're right, it just isn't the same for us," Max said, Lando had no idea what he meant by that, but Charles did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, any input/comments etc... Is greatly appreciated. Hope you liked :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry for what happened to you today, Max," Charles said.  
> "Hmm, congratulations on your 'deserved' second-place Charles," Max answered in a sarcastic tone.  
> "I get it, Max, but as I'm the first and only person to come over to check up on you, I'm the last person you should be taking the piss out of,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I quite like how this chapter turned hope you enjoy :) The official 2nd chapter  
> It's now officially caught up to the start of the season

"Do you think he meant it?" Charles asked.

"You've asked me that question hundreds of times; the answer is always the same," Pierre said. "How can you do that and not 'mean it'. He did it to ruin your career, and you have the nerve to ask if he 'meant it'" Pierre continued. "I know what he meant to you, but did you consider - that was his intention the whole time, to get close to you; to bring you down - bring down your career," - "I'm sorry, but I get pissed every time you bring this up; I can't see how you're not, or how you can even talk to him,"

"I- There isn't a way that we did what we did, fought as we did and it just is to bring 'down' my career, there are many other ways he could've done that without risking his own at the same time," Charles said remembering what used to be.

"Charles, I'm not you, I can't tell you what did and didn't happen, and I can't change your mind on this, but be careful - you'll end up getting hurt, again... Good night and good luck for the weekend, you'll do great I can tell,"

"Good night, Pierre, I don't know how you deal with my crap," Charles said.

"If I couldn't deal with it, I wouldn't be a real friend, would I?" Pierre finally said.

"I guess not," He muttered too softly for Pierre to hear. He was about to start speaking again when Pierre hung-up on him.

Tomorrow afternoon marked the start of his PR events leading up to Austria; all eyes are on him and Verstappen to put up a challenge to Mercedes, and he knew it.

_"I like this,"_

_"Me too," Max said as he leant over Charles._

_*_

Charles sat at his table, eating his breakfast, listening to music off his phone. He sang aloud "'Your love, your love, your' - Noooo," The name 'Amy' appeared on the screen of his phone and stopped the song.

"What do you want?" Charles said, annoyed that it was just about to get to the chorus.

"Let me guess I interrupted your music, and that's why you're pissed?" The irritating voice answered.

"How do you always know?"

"You always listen to music when you're stressed - I do know you," - "anyway, your first interview is at 1. You'll need to take account travel time, arrive a substantial amount of time before and please don't get sidetracked, this is vital," Amy said, going through everything step by step.

"Nice to see you're as reassuring as ever, Amy," Charles countered. 

*

Great. It's 12:55, Charles is about to have his interview with Sky, and he's incredibly stressed. He's usually able to cope with the race weekend but what Pierre said has left a rancid taste in his mouth; coupled with it being the first race, in what seemed like years has put a heap of pressure on him and the other drivers.

12:57.

Maybe the reason he was so defensive of him was bec-

"Alright we're all here, we might as well get started," The journalist, who he didn't recognise said. "These are questions that have been sent in by members of the public via social media,"

"First up, from our editor: Mercedes is looking to be a dominant force, how do you and Ferrari plan to take the fight to the German constructors?" The journalist asked.

"Well, Mercedes have been a strong team for a while, so we will continue with what we've been doing for a while: Bold and smart on strategy, improve the car as much as possible and try our best," Charles responded confidently. 

"Thanks, next question, this time is @213RenFan on Instagram, Ferrari is looking as though they're laking pace compared to 2019, is this the result of the investigation into the Power unit?" He asked, knowing the question was treading on the line.

"Well, I'm not the one you should ask, but I know that anything that had to change since last season I know will be improved upon by the team and that with pace I have the same answer as to when you asked about Mercedes," He responded.

"And, finally, from @xamv33 on Twitter, we know about your friendships with Max Verstappen and the additional members of the 'new generation', do you think that the competitiveness of f1 puts tension on your friendships?"

_"t's too competitive_

"I think -- I think that most of us have been friends for a long time, since our karting days, that we're used to the competitiveness and if anything it just makes us closer instead of pushing us away, but that's a good question," Charles said, thinking of the most generic answer he could muster, using what Lando said to him a few days prior for inspiration.

"Okay, thanks, we will leave you to do the rest of your work,"

That could've gone a lot worse, just like the weekend that followed. 

Qualifying was disappointing, to say the least, Charles managed to get 7th, which was quite impressive compared to his teammate that got knocked out in Q2, nevertheless, it was still not sufficient. Not sufficient for Ferrari.

"You better perform a miracle, or the whole of Italy is going to want you dead," Amy said.

"That's a slight exaggeration," Charles responded.

"Not really, Remember Brazil?"

"That was a one-time thing," Charles said.

"Well, we'll find out, won't we?"

*

The race was great Lewis got a penalty allowing both Lando and Charles to get on the podium, 3rd and 2nd respectively.

"Congrats, Lando on your first podium," Charles said.

"You did great too, how the hell you got that on the podium, I'll forever wonder mate,"

However, it wasn't great for everyone there were a total of 8 retirements including both Red bulls; to say Max was mad is a colossal understatement, he was the first of them making him the first retirement of the entire season. 

"You deserved better today, Max," Charles said.

"Hmm, congratulations on your 'deserved' second-place Charles," Max answered sarcastically.

"I get it, Max, but as I'm the first and only person to come over to check up on you, I'm the last person you should be taking the piss out of," 

"You only got the podium because my fucking engine died,"

"Okay - I see where this is gonna go, bye Max,"

Despite that Max retired, Charles thought it was unwarranted for him to be pissed with Him or Lando, Charles had been in his situation many times, never did he take it up with the other drivers, he always took responsibility. 

_"You should take responsibility instead of blaming me, Charlie,"_

A large amount of time had passed, it was dark out and Charles had returned to the hotel where the majority of drivers were staying.

The bar was open with about an hour before it closed, and he was intent on some food after staying over at the track longer than usual, so he sat down with his Pepsi and chips', opened his can and started drinking. That's when he got a phone call from the one and only Amy.

"What do you want? I was asleep," Charles lied.

"Don't lie to me, I saw you on Lando's stream, you've hardly had enough time to get back," Amy said.

"Caught red-handed, but that doesn't answer the question," Charles Admitted.

"Well, I guess I was wrong, Italy doesn't want you dead yet, but people are concerned over the pace of the car though, and you better come up with a good excuse for when you get asked why the car is so slow and congrats on the podium,"

"Yeah, I'm on it don't worry- Oh shit," Charles said, as he watched Max Verstappen stumble up to the bar.

"What? Are you okay?" Amy asked, concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just Max walked up to the bar, and he looks drunk, I'm surprised they would even let him get like that on a race weekend,"

"Well go talk to him, don't let me interrupt your happy reunion, I've already said what I wanted too. Talk to you soon Charles, have fun with that asshole,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So essentially, if you havent realized, im gonna set a few questions straight that arise from the chapter. Charles is Bi and only Amy and a select few people know and that will be covered later on. Also bonus points if you know what song that was at the start :)


	3. A fine line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They say quality over quantity, so enjoy this short - very short chapter :)

"have fun with that asshole," Was the last thing he heard before he felt his legs drag him to the bar - where his once 'friend' stood. "You feeling any better yet?" Charles asked.

"Now that you're h-here Charlie," Max responded, slurring his words.

"You can't call me that," 

"What - it's just your name,"

"Don't play stupid you know what I meant," Charles said, getting pissed.

_"Charlie - do you mind if I call you that?"_

"Are you okay? And don't give a bull shit answer this time," Charles said.

"I'm fi-fine," 

"how many drinks have you had then?"

"I- er - Can't remember," Max responded, attempting to count on his fingers.

"Alright, what room are you in?"

"You - naughty boy - at least take me on a date first,"

"Max, I shouldn't even be talking to you, fucking stop it, give me the keycard,"

Max admitted defeat and gave Charles the card.

He had drunk up to the bar's allowance and all of the alcohol he had bought over the weekend; to be fair, it wasn't as much as you'd think, but Max is a complete lightweight. 

"Why are you doing this?" Max asked, catching Charles off guard as he dragged Max up the stairs.

"Because I'm actually a decent human being, not like you were today," He replied, taking a while to compose his answer.

"Ouch, that hurt Charlie,"

"Well, It's true isn't it," 

Max stayed silent for the next minute or so, while they walked through the dimly lit, beige corridor until they got to the door of Max's room.

"That's not true I care for other people; I care for you," 

Charles just stopped what he was doing, turned around and looked at him. "If you cared for me in any way you wouldn't have tried to o-" Charles stopped himself from finishing the sentence when he realised he could still be overheard "- if you ever attempt to manipulate me again, I will go,"

"I had no choice, Charlie,"

"Stop. I will clean you up and I'm gone,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying so far, leave a Kudos and comment if you want, they're greatly appreciated :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorty. But it certainly Is dramatic ;)

"Stop. I will clean you up, and I'm gone,"

He looked towards the door, slid the key card through the lock. The door gave way to a gorgeous room; a modern kitchen and lounge immediately greeting him.

"What. You've gotta be joking, this is so much nicer than mine," Charles said.

"Its what you work with a proper team," Max responded.

"You drive for a team named after a can I can get from Lidl, I drive for Ferrari," 

"There's not much I can say to that Charlie,"

"You sure? You usually have lots to say when you're like this," Charles asked, his previous anger returning.

"That's too far...that's not fair," Max answered as that statement brought back past memories.

"Fair? You want to know what's not fair? Outing somebody to their best friends - to try and put them against me," Charles said, his voice breaking as he said 'friends'.

"You- I-. I never-. I didn't want to Charles,"

"Nobody forced you, Max," "Go do whatever you need to do,"

Max left the room for his much-needed shower; Charles decided that he'd steal some of Max's coffee and make himself something to drink. He's here and its the least Max deserves.

The cappuccino capsule coasted into the top of the coffee machine, and Charles put a random cup from the cupboards above his head under the spout. And felt a searing heat starting to erupt in front of him when he noticed something. His letters. The letters he sent to Max all those years ago were hidden under his sofa. He could never miss his own handwriting.

Charles started walking over to the cream coloured sofa, after placing his coffee on the dining table. He got down on his knees and grabbed the first one he saw. Charles remembers this one. This was just after they had to start their long-distance relationship. The swarm of ancient butterflies returned to his stomach as the paper crinkled under his touch.

_Dear my Maxy,_

_I'm in Brussels at the moment. Everywhere I look, I think of our time here together as if it was yesterday. The Grand Place, the first place we went together by ourselves. I was so nervous about being recognised that day, I know we aren't famous or anything, but you know what I'm like. Always stressing over nothing._

_By the time you get this, I'll be back home, but only in word. My real home is wherever you are._

_I hope your weekend goes well, I miss you._

_P.s Amy is helping with my English, so I hope its better now._

"You were so far gone," He said, both feeling happy and sad from the memories he thought he lost.

He picked up the next one, the handwriting seemed relatively foreign to him, but decided to continue reading. See what this was about and who it was from. His curiosity overriding any kind of concern he had of breaching Max's privacy.

_What you are doing is unacceptable and not fair on your Mother or me. Stop it now, or I will stop funding, tell everyone about your 'friend' and don't you even think about telling him or anyone else-_

The letter went on for another page or so, but he was paralysed by his realisation. Stuck. Then the bathroom door opened. Still stuck.

"Charles, I know you're gonna say no but-," Max was halfway through asking, feeling sobered up, before seeing Charles knelt next to the grave his memories.

"Shit,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip any kind of pacing  
> I'm gonna have a heck of a time editing this when im done...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another - Another shorty. Im probably going to continue with these short chapters as it makes sure they're as good as they can be and this one in particular was very difficult to write and it will probably change significantly when i come to edit this (Wont change the outcome of it though so dont worry about the story changing).

"Shit,"

"Tell me you didn't read them," Max stood with a towel around his waist, visibly starting to shake as the situation fully dawned on him.

"I thought these were my letters to you, an- and you took forever, I- what the fuck does this mean? Why didn't you tell me?" Charles responded, initially feeling his actions were justified and getting more and more doubtful as he finished the sentence. "You better have a good fucking reason," He continued, ignoring the growing pain growing in his knees and heart. 

"You read it, you know exactly why I never told you," Max finally said as though the answer was obvious.

"You could've told me," Charles replied, Max scoffing as he said so.

"What? And risk him outing you publicly? This was a long time ago before the sport was ready - it still isn't and is far off it. Do you know what would happen if a gay driver started putting up a fight? Your reputation would be gone, and you would be torn apart!" Max said. It was obvious to him.

"I'm Bi Max, you know that. And it wouldn't be like that," Charles said, avoiding thinking about what Max was actually talking about.

"Don't be stupid that's what it would be like, they don't care if your gay or not, that's not the point. If you're different - they'll use it against you,"

"What if I do- didn't care? What if I realised that the secret would eventually get out anyway and I just wanted to happy?" Charles said, feeling heat travel to his face and a tightness in his throat.

"I don't think you get it, you couldn't even have a relationship, even if they accepted you, accepting is one thing but seeing you do it too...,"

"These sound more like your reasoning. I told you. I don't care. It sounds simple to me Max. You're trying to make it sound like you did it for me, but it was only to protect yourself. You didn't want people to know about you. Not me. Otherwise, you would've said something," Charles interjected, the warmth in his face being replaced by rage.

"You were younger back then and believe me you would've cared. 'Always stressing over nothing', It would've ruined you. I didn't care what happened to me. Yes, I should've told you, but if it put you in the slightest risk, I didn't want to do it. One slip up, or if he caught us just talking - it would've been game over for us Charlie," Max concluded, Charles just looking away. He was right.

"Can we just stop? At least wait until tomorrow. I don't like fighting like this," Max said.

"Can you stay? I know its stupid to ask but I really don't feel good. Please? I really need someone to watch over me,"

"Are you serious? Why would you even ask-

_They were both sprawled across Max's blue double bed as they played f1 2014 on an Xbox 360._

_"This game is terrible, how have they fucked it up this badly, Charlie?" Max said as he leant the side of his body against Charles._

_"Who knows, it really is crap, last years was alright as well,". Charlie responded, smiling at Max._

_"What are you smiling at?"_

_"Nothing," Charles replied, clearly hiding something._

_Max suddenly edged his way closer to him, catching Charles off guard. Closer. To the point where Charles could feel Max's breath hitting his face. Both their hearts jumping at the question that followed._

_"Can I?" Max asked._

_"Why would you even ask that? Charles responded, closing the gap._

"F-Fine. A- As long as I get the bed," Charles finally answered. Sitting there lost, as a single droplet of his memories faded down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked, not feeling as confident as the last couple chapters with posting this. So, please let me know what you think, or any improvements you can think of <3  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated :)


	6. I remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Max have a 'friendly' chat on the status of their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I was coming up with idea's for this chapter and was like 'huh maybe that works' and ended up writing the entire chapter. Enjoy. (I know its super inconsistent)

A window. The trees. A sniff of green and the harmony of a Bird’s hymn, that's what he expected looking out the window. But that's not what he saw - he saw his memories, his career, his life flashing before his eyes. All out of a void in the wall. His time with Max, all gone. Damn, he missed being in a relationship. A narrow pit - opening in his chest at the thought of it. **Everywhere at once.** Withered arms snatched at his back, face, neck and limbs. All angles. **Snap.**

_“Charles?”_

“Charles, are you alright?” Max repeated, piercing through Charles’s nausea. He sat up, seeing max leaning over the lip of the bed with a distressed expression.

“I… I’m fine. Th- The nightmares Max...” Charles replied, hesitating as he contemplated whether he should reveal to Max what just happened. Max replied with a hand on Charle’s knee, to which Charles instantly pushed it off.

“You haven’t had those since-” Max said, being interrupted by Charles.

“Yeah, no need to remind me,”

“I… I am here for you despite what you think, you can talk to me, you can trust me,”

“Like I trusted you back then?” 

“I’m going to say it once cause it's making me crazy, Charlie. You read my letters. You know what I was thinking, but you keep saying I betrayed you - when I did it all for you. You keep trying to believe that I’m always against you, even when you know I’m not. You used to defend me the most out of everyone - you used to come up with stupid things to justify what I did. So what changed?” Max said in desperation and anger, moving closer to Charles.

“We’re not the same people as we were back then — I know you stood up for me — but you didn’t allow me to stand up for myself,” Charles said, vision clouding up and his chest tightening from the memories that came back to him.

“We are the same as then... You just had the same nightmare that you've had since when we were together. We’re doing the same things every day, have the same friends, the same feelings. I bet even your routine is the same. I expected you to understand - I wanted you to understand but no, you’re pissed because I protected you,” Max continued, fury turning into a state of melancholy, sadness and nostalgia by the end of his statement.

_“We’ll tell each-over everything, promise?”_

“I’m not ‘pissed’, I just... feel betrayed. We said we’d share everything and if our past feelings mean so much to you. You wouldn't have lied to me for the past 5 years,” Charles said in a much calmer tone compared to Max, still perplexed on how he felt about the situation. Tiredness and sadness clouding his reasoning.

_"I promise Charlie,"_

Max suddenly moved next to him after processing what he said, perching on the bed, evocative of the way they used to every day.

“I remember, I get it,” Max finalised in a much calmer, remorseful tone.

*

Charles woke up to a hand touching his. He physically jumped aside as he recalled who it was. Max was there, on the bed. Still. Unmoving. Beautiful. They must've fallen asleep. Charles took his chance. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and sighed as he got out of bed for the 2nd time today.

He hesitated as he looked out of the same window beside him. His memories. That's what he expected when he looked out the window but got greeted by an assortment of mesmerising trees. And the hymn of the birds as the sun rose. He continued past the bed and into the hallway that enveloped him. He had merely got to Max’s kitchen before he received a text from Amy.

From Amy:

_‘You don't like making my job easy, do you?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. It's getting difficult to write these now, but I'm trying my best. I know the last couple of chapters have taken a tonal shift but I really plan on making this as grounded and built up as possible, with my writing ability and focus on consistency when I'm finished and editing.
> 
> Tell me what you think, it really means so much to open my inbox and see people enjoying this as much as I enjoy writing it.  
> I'd appreciate any feedback on the nightmares and the 'move' Max made at the end here, as I feel its quite out of place but it has to happen or I'll be writing this for years and I've still got so much more I wanna do in this fic.


	7. So, when is it going to start? Now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some filler ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, this shortish update

_‘You don't like making my job easy, do you?’_

Charles unlocked his phone. Curious.

-

_“Anything serious?” The man asked._

_“Nothing, just a friend, I’ll check later,” Charles countered, setting his phone back down._

_“Well, if it's going to pester you - it’s better if you just call her back now, we’ve got time,”_

-

“This is going to be bad - if you’re up this early,” Charles said, yawning half-way through the sentence.

“To be honest, it’s not, you’ll probably get asked about it once, and it’ll never come up again. I’m more annoyed at you,” Amy responded.

“What do you mean, I have done nothing,” Charles continued, maybe a bit too loud.

“For fuck's sake, Charles... When I said go talk to Max, I didn’t mean to shout at him in the middle of a hotel filled up with journalists and people that are begging for drama. But that's not the point, it's careless - You got lucky. I’ll leave it that-”

“Can you be quiet, you woke me up,” Max interrupted, loud enough for Amy to hear.

“Charles - Where are you right now?” Amy asked in a sassy and taunting tone. Knowing exactly what was going on. Well, maybe not exactly. Her imagination filled in the gaps.

“Shut up, Max,” Charles said, protecting the bottom of his phone with his hand. 

“I can still hear you - you know. You better have a fucking grand reason to be there - Pierre is going to go nuts,” Amy said, emphasizing just how dead Charles was going to be.

“You better not tell him, or I’ll kill you,” Charles said, practically being serious.“It’s seriously not what you think,”

“That’s if Pierre doesn’t kill you first, it was not so nice knowing you,” Amy finished, hanging up before Charles could even get another word in.

-

_“Now that's over, let’s proceed. When did the nightmares start?” The man asked._

_“I’ve had them on and off since I was 14,” Charles responded._

_“Alright, so when did the set you’re getting now start?”_

-

“Who the fuck was that, Charles?” Max asked. 

“It was Amy. The Sun enjoyed our stupid argument last night and took it out of context, as they do,” Charles responded, vexed.

“Is it bad?” Max asked.

“No, not really, but thanks to you I’m going to have an enjoyable chat with Pierre later,” He responded, more forceful than he wanted to. “It’ll be, maybe-” Charles said, as he looked at the wall, seeking to finish the conversation on a friendlier note. 7:20. “Maybe, 10 minutes tops, before he calls me,” With that, he took his leave.

He sauntered down the same grey stairs that he went up just hours ago, thinking over how much has changed since. _It's such a mess_. Wandering down the beige corridor until he found his room. Sliding the keycard through the gap, he saw out the rim of his eye. He promptly opened the door and hastily sought to close it, but it was too late. They wedged a hand, holding the door ajar.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The voice asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do tell me about any mistakes. Side plot has officially started. Get the confetti out 
> 
> Also, are the 'flashbacks' too much? <3


	8. Back to Basics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Go on then, I’m listening, it better be one hell of an excuse,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, bit more traditional compared to the last couple.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The voice demanded, driving his way through the door.

“It’s not what you think, Pierre, seriously it’s not,” Charles responded - tired.

“Then explain, why the fuck did I just get told you were with Max?” Pierre asked now standing precisely in front of Charles.

“He was er- drunk last night, so I took him up to his room before he could embarrass himself,” Charles said, conflicted on whether he should tell his best friend about what happened. 

“Why do you care if he embarrasses himself? It's the least he deserves. You know what - when you want to tell me what happened, call me,” Pierre said, being able to see he was lying or at the least hiding something. Pierre abruptly opened the door, walked out and smashed the door behind him. _Fuck, he’s pissed._

They finally left Charles with his own thoughts, still bewildered by what happened. 7:40. He contemplated going back to bed, but knew that any attempt to get some beauty sleep would be impossible with the light penetrating through the curtains, especially in _that_ bed, for the first time in months, he felt as if there was nothing to do. 

Reluctantly, he called Pierre. He had to do it - it was his best friend for god's sake; he deserves to know, and it would get him off his back.

“Pierre, I’m gonna tell you what happened - I’m gonna tell you,” He said, doubting himself.

“Go on then, I’m listening, it better be one hell of an excuse,” Pierre responded.

“He- It wasn't his choice. He didn’t want to Pierre, It was all Jos,”

“Here we go again Charles, we talked about this literally a few days ago-” Pierre was halfway through saying before he got cut off.

“I found them, Pierre. I found them,”

*

Charles described to Pierre everything he recalled. Everything. 

“So, He was blackmailed - still is being blackmailed?” Pierre asked, still hesitant about his emotions towards the situation.

“I guess- what do you mean still is? We aren’t together anymore,” Charles asked.

“Well, the reason he never told you - Just 'cause you’re not together doesn’t mean he won't do it - if you do something Jos doesn’t like, it’s still dirt he has on you,”

“Yeah, you’re right, but what can I do now? it's such a mess,” 

“Well, you can avoid him or carry on as normal, and we know what one it’s going to be. You didn’t avoid him when you had a reason to, let alone now,” Pierre said as if the answer was obvious. “I’m… Sorry Charles, I was wrong, just-yeah I’m sorry, but you need to be careful you know what Max’s Dad is like, he won’t hesitate to do it, especially if he finds out you know,"

“I will be careful and don’t worry. You were just trying to help,” Charles said, trying to make sure Pierre didn't feel guilty.

“Well, I have to get back to bed. Just don’t let him find out for your sake - well there is something else you can do, but you'd never do it- good nigh- morning Charles,” Was the final thing Pierre said before he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think, comments are my main source of motivation :)  
> This is definitely filler, but it is necessary before I can move on <3


	9. A continuation (Part 1 of 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back, I haven't had time to properly proofread this properly, but I was determined to get it done, so enjoy

Staring. Staring out into the abyss that enveloped him - books, clothes and food, all sprawled out on top of the bed. A bed that reminded Charles of home, the soft and tender sheets, reminiscent of the one he shared as a teen. They were even the same smokey grey - if he didn't know otherwise he would've thought him to be there, his childhood. Back when everything was simple - calm even, but those days are long gone, he was back to work in less than four days, and it's not like he could do anything he wanted during that time, he still had to maintain his diet, sleeping schedule and the occasional interview. He wished he'd get a day without Amy breathing down his neck about what he had to do next. The sounds emitting from the birds outside swiftly grabbing his attention. They always managed to calm him, no matter how stressed he was, how they learnt to craft such beauty he'd forever wonder, he started walking towards the left of his bed, towards the sounds - the window.   
Instead of just hearing the sounds - he could now see where they were coming from too. Birds sat on top of the road surrounded fountain, that greeted all that arrived at the hotel. He sighed, checking the time, 9:13. It was about time Charles got on his way - he had a flight. 

"I hope you realize how risky this is - if you get caught - I can't even begin to explain how pissed, not just me, but everyone will be," Amy said on the phone, dragging along his suitcase as he approached the daunting terminal.  
"It will be fine, trust me," Charles responded - confidently, getting closer to the departures door. 

"Just- don't say I didn't warn you, okay?" 

"I told you, it will be fine," Charles finalized, as he walked through the door, hanging up the call as he did so.   
The size of the airport completely overwhelmed him, there were a ridiculous amount of people from all angles. He spent way too long trying to find his way to the gate.

*

Charles had just slid into the car after arriving in Nice after a 2 hour or so flight from Vienna, he still had a while to drive, but he came prepared. He had collected a rather impressive collection of CDs just for these kinds of moments.

"Fuck yes," He said out loud to himself, as he recognised the first song to start playing, one of his favourites. 

  
Moments later his phone started to ring, bringing him out of the trance the music had put him into, "Again? I thought we already talked about this," Charles was quick to say before he even checked who called.  
"I was literally just calling to ask how you were, no need to be a dick," The annoying voice, who he knew as Pierre said, in a stronger than usual accent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked <3 It's a very weird end to the chapter but I just had to get it done, it's literally half 1 in the morning and its a weekday lol
> 
> I'll probably have to come back and improve this tomorrow smh


	10. A continuation (Part 2 of 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are getting somewhere now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this short and sweet update

"I was literally just calling to ask how you were, no need to be a dick," The annoying voice, who he knew as Pierre said, in a stronger than usual accent.

"Shit - I thought you were Amy... She's been on my back _all_ day," 

"I actually got to see her - she is super pissed with you - but you already knew that I guess," Pierre continued, trying to avoid awkward silence and continue the conversation. "So how are you, Charles?"

"I'm er- okay I guess - you know what today's been like, a complete mess," He responded, as he turned off the highway.

"Yeah - it's been quite... interesting - to say the least," Pierre continued, hesitating as he thought of a word that could describe the events of the past 12 hours.

"You could say that," 

*

He had finally hung up on the call, after what felt like hours of random sentences spaced between awkward silence. To be honest, Charles wasn't putting much effort into upholding the conversation; which was one of the many reasons why it was as peculiar as it was. He just wanted to relax for the few days that he could, and that meant time without being bombarded with reminders of all of his problems.

-

Charles pulled up into the car park outside the block of apartments, scrambling for his keys. The ground felt like knives on his feet as he got out of the car; his back not much better. He had lived here ever since he won GP3. The apartment was everything he ever wanted; it shocked all that visited, it was perfect, and it screamed Charles. Max's flat was not that far either, which he supposed was a pro at the time. He can remember the smug face made after he showed Max around for the first time. Smiling at the memory, he walked up the stairs towards the room that he loved.

( **Consider this to be where I would've ended the Chapter as we get a POV shift :) )**

Max POV:

(This happens before Charles leaves for Monaco)

“Is it bad?” Max asked.

“No, not really, but thanks to you I’m going to have an enjoyable chat with Pierre later,” He responded, in an annoyed tone. “It’ll be, maybe-” Charles said, as Max noticed him looking at the wall. “Maybe, 10 minutes tops, before he calls me,” 

Max felt the slam of the door radiate through his bones as he looked away, not being able to stop himself feeling a little guilty for giving Charles away.

He laid there. Lost in thought, he was fucked, wasn't he?

A sudden sound liberated him from the torture of his thoughts. He squinted, the light unbearable as he got up from the sofa.

"Who is it?" He said, hoping that whoever was there could hear him through the thick white door. "Charles?"

"Try again," The voice responded, too muffled to recognise who it was. The door opened to reveal an old friend. 

"It's been a while, Max," Pierre said in a teasing timbre.

"Pierre?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the POV shift, and that the flashbacks/flashforwards aren't too much. 
> 
> <3 <3 
> 
> I can't possibly begin to describe how unbelievable it is that people are actually reading and enjoying this as this is very much a passion project.


	11. And so it starts (Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rather interesting conversation about a stupid decision leads to another stupid decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

Max POV:

“He does realize we were specifically told not to leave? It’s so going to backfire," Max asked, questioning Charles’s sanity. “And why the hell does he need to go back to Monaco? The race is literally in less than a week, what is the point?” Max just put his head into his palms, annoyed.

“I know, it’s just typical Charles,” Pierre responded, shrugging his shoulders.

Max and Pierre were sat on either end of the dining table, both confused. They used to talk like this all the time, always gossiping over the latest drama, both of them forgetting how much they missed doing it. 

“Has he gone to his flat do you think?” Max asked after a short silence. 

“Probably – I mean he does live there,” 

Max just stared at him and gave him that look, one of _those_ looks. He knew that what Charles was doing was utterly stupid, just hoping that there would be some reason that could justify it – right now he couldn’t find one. 

“I miss talking to you like this,” Max said, “I really do,” 

To which Pierre immediately answered with, “Well, you know exactly why we stopped,” Instantly regretting the harsh tone that he used. “But er- I do too – I miss it, I always enjoyed our talks, we always had the best drama to talk about,” He continued, making a small smile.

“Did Charles tell you about his nightmares coming back?” Max said suddenly, remembering what happened, a wave of concern overcoming him as he did so; becoming uneasy and shuffling in his seat.

“What- No he didn’t, why the hell are they back? I swear we thought they were 'cause of his anxiety,” Pierre said, looking at Max perplexed. Pierre and Max always thought that the nightmares were connected to the persistent anxiety he had while he was in the relationship. Charles used to get occasional nightmares and anxiety attacks when he was out alone with Max, or when he was asked to ‘talk’ by his parents; he always thought he was going to be sussed out. They usually lasted for as long as the source of his stress persisted and occasionally when he felt sequestered.

Pierre had suggested to Max that this was the case, a few weeks after he had first put it together. 

_-_

“Do you think he’s having one of _those_ moments then? It’s been a bit much for him, it’s possible,” Max asked Pierre, trying to hide the fact his voice was wavering. “it’s not like he was doing that well before either – he was always in neglect about it,” 

“I highly doubt it, he was fine this Morning Max, stop worrying yourself,” Pierre concluded. “Seriously – I bet he’s fine – you can talk to him when he gets back, you could even call him if you want,” He observed Pierre look to the same spot on the wall that Charlie did just a few hours prior, as he talked. 8:20. He then heard a horrific screech as Pierre pushed to the chair from the table and stood up. “I should go anyway. Just - please, stop panicking, I’m getting more worried about you than I am about Charles,”

Max was left thinking over the whole situation; it was remarkably alike to what happened when he was younger. Before every race Charles used to get a nervous void form in his stomach, Max was always there – always trying to comfort him – well almost always, he became distant over the last few eventful months of the shared childhood, but that is beside the point.

Now Charles had nobody – nobody to relieve the weight that had accrued over the years. He pretended that he didn't get anxiety anymore, to be honest, it was easy to think that. He seemed increasingly confident; he didn’t seem to get that emotional – always happy. So happy. 

You see Charles and you see somebody that’s confident, charming, stable, well looks can be deceiving - that's what Max thought at least.

“I need to go back anyway,” He said to himself, getting up from his spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment about what u think, they really help and mean a lot :D  
> It is getting a fair bit deeper now, but remember this is in Max's POV and opinions and thoughts change depending on that


	12. Knock.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You really shouldn’t be here,” Charles said, both irritated and secretly relieved at the same time.
> 
> “Wow, what a warm welcome, after getting a train to Vienna and flying for two hours,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4th consecutive update in a row. Enjoy <3

Charles POV:

The apartment was modern – sleek, and he was sat on the sofa; to the left as you walked in. Watching tv and sipping on his cup of coffee – he was relaxed, enjoying himself. As he slipped into thought; his surroundings froze. Time froze. He wasn’t too sure why he had come back to Monaco – nor why it was worth breaking quarantine. Yes, he felt way more comfortable at home, Yes - he wanted to get away from it all for a few days. But was it worth the potential cost?

Suddenly time started again, he came out of the daze, and he had missed the last 5 minutes of the episode. Sighing, he re-winded the episode – back to the bit he remembered.

Knock.

**Knock.**

**-**

_The time was 16:24 and Charles was standing eagerly by the door, waiting for Max to arrive for their night out. He was wearing tight black chinos and a grey t-shirt, which he was starting to regret, becoming increasingly worried about the buckets of sweat showing under his armpits. Knock. Opening the door wide he saw a demi-god Infront of him, a bit too much of the angelic scent finding its way to his nose – a strong, ‘manly scent’ that you would get with a can of lynx and shampoo, to the point it that it got a bit overwhelming. He was wearing blue jeans that were tight in all of the right areas and a white shirt sculpting his torso into a hot mess, Charles’s eyes burning with zeal._ _He looked,_

_"Gorgeous, you look incredible Max, and I’m not just saying that,” Charles said his mouth agape._

_“You better not be just saying that I put a lot of effort into this,”_

\- 

**Knock.**

The banging on the door just got louder – harsher. At this point, there wouldn’t be a door left, and how did the hell anyone know he was here? He felt a sense of déjà vu as if he was a kid again. He approached the door, expecting- _hoping_ – for the _boy_ of his dreams to be stood there in blue jeans and a white shirt, ready to go on their date. He looked to the time on his phone. 16:24

Opening the door, astonished by who he saw. _Max?_

“You really shouldn’t be here,” Charles said, both irritated and secretly relieved at the same time.

“Wow, what a warm welcome, after getting a train to Vienna and flying for two hours,” Max replied in a teasing tone.

“Why are you here, Max?” Charles said, just letting him move forward into his flat.

“Well I needed to water my plants and Pierre told me you were here, so I was like I like, I might as well visit you on the way,” Max said, in his typical ironic and bantering tone.

“Hmm, I completely believe that – don’t let me stop you, I’m sure that your _definitely real_ plants are desperate for water,” He responded, sitting back to where he was before he was interrupted.

“Nah I’m sure it will survive a few hours, I’d rather just sit here,” He watched Max sprawl across the sofa adjacent to Charles.

“So, are you going to tell me why you’re actually here?” Fidgeting with his fingers, hunched over.

“Nope,”

“Are you just going to sit there, all day?” Charles asked, getting reasonably aggravated.

“Your sofa is more comfortable than my fucking bed, so yes,”

*

Max was still in the same position minutes later. Charles didn’t know what to do. He sat there on his phone, feeling too awkward to move or continue watching his show.

He had no idea why Max was here.

“Do you want to go out?” Max asked out of nowhere, startling Charles a bit.

“Is that an invitation or an ‘I will bug you until you say yes’?” Chares countered, already being able to tell what one it is.

“I think you already know which one it is,” Max said, walking over to sit next to Charles.

“We will probably get caught - you know that," Charles said, still unmoving.

“We already got caught – not by the media, but Christian knows I left, so we might as well,”

“You’ve got to be kidding me - I literally did everything I could to be discrete, then you go ahead and fuck it up, way to go Max,”

“So, is that a yes or a no?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying, please do comment they mean way more than any amount of hits and kudos so, please do leave one :)


	13. The cafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of fan interaction as a way to get me back into this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update??? Yes, I know. I'm even surprised, but I'm bored waiting for the election results. So enjoy

Familiar, enormous buildings surrounded either side of him, as he sat in a cafe with Max.

"When you said we'd go out, I was expecting a club - or at least somewhere with a bar," Charles said jokingly, however, it sounded more serious than he intended.

"I thought this would be nice. It's fairly secluded - well as secluded as you can get here. We can- can move if you  _ really _ wa-," Max responded, feeling rather pissed off after spending the time to find a new place they'd both enjoy.

"No - no that's not what I meant. I just- I was just surprised that you'd take me here, considering what I thought you meant by 'do you want to go out'," Charles said interrupting the last of Max's sentence. "You know- actually this reminds me a lot of-"

"Belgium. I know- I didn't do it on purpose but yeah, it's exactly like  _ there," _ Max was quick to say, taking his turn to interrupt Charles.

They had been sitting in the same cafe for at least an hour, just talking about random things like how peculiar the weather had been, or what they had for breakfast. Charles could tell there was something Max wanted to get off his chest; however, Charles decided that if Max felt comfortable talking about it, he already would've done and he didn't want to pressure him.

He was quickly brought out of the rest of his thoughts when the waitress approached with a tray in her hands. 

"Hi - is there anything you would like to eat Max?" She asked noticeably nervous, with a shaky Belgian accent. "Oh, crap- sorry, that must've sounded weird, you didn't tell me your name - I'm a big fan!" The waiter said, playing with her ponytail.

Max visibly sat up in his chair and planted a fake smile on his face as he responded. "Ah, no problem it happens a lot more than you'd think and nothing for me thanks," Still smiling.

"Okay, what about for-" She said, stopping halfway through as she looked across the table from Max looking over to his company. "Charles!?!? Just wait until I tell my brother about this he's the biggest Ferrari fan!" To which Charles just smiled and gave an acknowledging hum in response Her facial expression rapidly changing just before she asked, "Is it possible to get a selfie with you both? Please? It'll mean a lot,"

"Of course, I'm sure Max doesn't mind," Charles said. They both swiftly stepped out of there chairs and posed in front of the table. **Snap**

"Oh mijn god, thank you so much," She said, hugging Max.

"No problem at all," Max concluded as she walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not much but I wanted something easy to write as it's been a while


	14. A confrontation of afairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 'friendly' chat forces Charles to push his memories back to where they belong, the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy  
> I was not planning on writing this chapter at all but it kind a just happened

Charles was walking back to his apartment, still confused about why Max was even here, there had to be a proper reason why he would risk a pr disaster to visit him - or not - it is Max after all. But, it was nice to have somebody else around that wasn't Pierre or Amy. He was _happy_ for the first time in a few days, genuinely enjoying the nightlife around them. Charles looked around the buildings around him after taking a new route home. He took it all in, warm yellow lights shining from the black painted lamps that raised above either side of his head every 10 meters or so for as far as he could see. Walking, past the small brown and cosy flats to his sides.

The narrow brick road that pointed into the soles of his shoes like a locked door and a key, symbolising everything he felt about this place. He was the key and this place, Monte Carlo, was the door, he had a connection to this place nobody else did, neither he nor Monaco felt right without the other, it was perfect for him and he was perfect for this place. A key in a lock.

He placed the key into the lock of the door. After getting to the top of the road, Max still by his side, starting to increasingly annoy him again.

He pushed it open wide, throwing his keys onto the oak table that welcomed him into the apartment. He immediately jumped over onto the sofa, in the living room to the left of the door. Laying down, sighing. 

"Max, why are you here? Why are you babysitting me?" Charles said, from his comfortable position, eyes closed.

"Do you want the honest answer or the answer you want to hear?" The voice responded, Charles, being able to hear shuffling around him.

"I think you know. They might even be the same answer," Charles responded, his tiredness hitting him like a mallet in the face.

"I-I don't want everything that's happened to overwhelm you, I don't want you to hate or push me away," The voice replied, anxious and thickly accented.

Charles shoot up from his position, opening his eyes again, taking a second to assimilate. Max, on one of the dining chairs. "Your joking, right? I- I tried so much to hate you. So much. Pierre thought you tried to ruin my life. That, you, wanted to use me to sabotage my career. What did I do, Max? I never stopped lo- liking you... not for one second. I defended you like my life depended on it. I thought you were the one. I didn't get with anyone else, because no matter how much you hurt me, I still liked you, so now that you've got a good reason for all of it, you think now is when I'd start hating you?" Charles said, his voice wavering and breaking multiple times.

"I- I don't know, Charles. I don't know what to do. I really really don't want you to push me away like before. I don't want Dad to push us apart again because, Charles, you know me better than anyone, you're the only one on this planet that knows the true me and I don't know what I would do if I was forced to pretend to be someone I'm not, n-not again. If I had nobody to be myself around, I-I just couldn't do it. I can't go back to that. If you cut me off. If you stopped liking me-" Max pleaded, taking Charles by surprise, feeling an instinct kick in, he sat down on the chair next to him, seeing the small tear form in Max's eyes.

"I won't, Max, I'll never do that,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you likeee <3


	15. A notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important update on this fic

**Okay, don't panic!!! If you're a new reader and seen I abandoned this, don't panic. If you leave a comment, then I'd be more than willing to revisit this universe. But I saw how I lost the momentum in chapters when I wrote this, completely losing the reader and I shat myself thinking I screwed something up hence why I panicked and abandoned, but hey, like I said, if you say you're interested, I'd happily revisit, I'd genuinely like to once I finish my current projects.**

Helloooo 

So I've been writing this fic for a few months now, there was a point where I was writing every evening and posting at like 1 am and I've learnt so much since then, so, I would like to ask you before I make the decision.

I've been, struggling to write this fic ever since my break a few weeks ago, having written two chapters since then, and I feel that the only way to regain my confidence and flow is to restart the fic, putting way more effort than I was before, you'd be getting chapters like what I posted last night, a lot more book-like and descriptive, a proper story that won't be as messy as this (it will be similar tho), it'll still contain wholesome flashbacks and a past relationship that ended due to their careers, rather than the whole mess I've got going on here, as well as being set a lot more recently than over 5 months ago. I'll use this as a draft essentially.

It might sound a bit stupid or that I should just edit it instead, but I've really hit a brick wall story-wise and my confidence with it is just not there anymore - I've learnt so much and just want to go back and implement it all in. I feel that it's turned into a mess, rather than a cool wholesome story. So, yeah, I would appreciate any advice or anything, or if you think it's even worth doing, I'd quickly catch up to this point in the story, probably a chapter every other day depending on what I've got going on.

Edit: The new Fic is now out!


End file.
